Four times Kelly Chambers nearly died, and the one she finally did
by Gabrielle Henson
Summary: Death pursued Kelly Chambers many times, but Kelly is a survivor. Until she isn't anymore.


**1: The collectors**

Kelly can't remember what was before the terror she currently feels. The mere idea of safety is a distant thought, not even a memory. Has it been hours, days, weeks since she's been imprisoned in that coffin? Has she imagined the yelling, the crying, the shrieking? When has she started to cry herself? When has she stopped? How many people has she witnessed melting in those pods? Has she really tried to bang against the glass until her fists were bruised and bleeding and despair threatened to make her crazy?

She doesn't remember. All she knows is the terror she feels so completely that it has obliterated everything else.

And suddenly, here she is. Like a goddess on the battlefield. Like an angel descended from heaven into hell. Tall, strong, resolute, commanding. Shepard barks orders to her squad and starts to hit furiously on the glass of Kelly's pod with the butt of her shogun and for a moment, when a colonist in the pod just to her right melts in agony, the yeoman sees her own terror reflected in Shepard's eyes.

Finally, the glass gives in and Kelly stumbles out of the pod, breathing hard the icy air of the Collector base. Shepard holds her for a quick moment, her breathing a little fast from the fear and the exertion. "It's going to be okay…" she whispers in a trembling voice as her hands trace reassuring patterns on Kelly's back. Kelly's not quite sure she believes her yet, but as she grabs Shepard's arms for dear life, she thinks that maybe the fear will go away someday.

* * *

 **2: Return to the ship**

The return to the ship is a blur. The moment of safety of sorts that Kelly felt when Shepard held her against her chest is long gone. Each step she takes is a terrible effort, encouraged only by the silent presence of her fellow crew member. No one talks as they make their way toward the Normandy, not even Mordin, tasked by Shepard to ensure that the crew makes it back to the ship safely. The analyst in Kelly knows how dire the situation is if Mordin is silent, but she tries not to dwell on it. She focuses on making her legs working, taking one step after the other, not thinking about what lurks into the shadows, not looking when Mordin takes out husk after husks, helped by Donnely and Hadley every time they run into a pack.

Her ears still buzz from the furious bark of Donnely's rifle when she hears herself yelling at the top of her lungs when _something_ cold grabs her left leg. She stumbles and is dragged toward a dark abyss as a gaunt hand pulls her away from the group. It takes only a few seconds before the rifle comes to life again and before flames emerge from Mordin's omnitool, less than a minute before she feels the hand holding her ankle releasing her, less than two before her attacker is dispatched, but to Kelly, it's like eternity. When the silence finally comes back, Daniels helps her trembling form to her feet and Mordin gives her a clipped nod when he sees she's fine.

"Soon to the Normandy," he announces. "Should hurry, more might come."

They don't need to be told twice. As they start marching again, Kelly glances tentatively behind and sees how close she was to be swallowed into darkness. She shivers, and she's grateful when Daniels and Donnely force her trembling body to walk between them.

When the Normandy comes into view some ten minutes later, it's the last time she will ever feel relieved at seeing it.

* * *

 **3: The Cerberus coup**

The boots of the Cerberus troopers echo loudly on the deck as they pace with deliberate slowness in front of the human line. A feeling of dread has seized Kelly to her very core when they have ordered all human females separated from the rest and lined up them apart from the men and other species. A man who tried to prevent a trooper to drag his girlfriend away has been shot straight between the eyes. Some people cry, most are silent and just try to shrink, hoping somehow that Cerberus will just forget about them. Kelly tries to control her shaking and to remain impassible. She's not sure she's doing a good job of it. A Centurion has asked about her by name, has promised a reward if someone knew something about her whereabouts. When no one has answered, they took all the women apart to appraise them one by one. Kelly feels observed. Two troopers keep coming back toward her and stare at her from head to toes again and again. Or maybe she is just paranoid. When she overhears the word "redhead", she's not so sure what to think anymore. She tries not to fidget. She looks discreetly around, looking for an escape. There is none. Suddenly, a loud voice rings behind her.

"Chambers was there, but she left weeks ago," a trooper announces, coming back from the docks offices, waving a datapad in his unarmed hand. "Here," he shows something to the Centurion. "She left aboard the KS-Amani, an Asari Vessel."

Kelly remembers Shepard mentioning that she would have someone recording a fake departure information in the station records, just in case. The man watches intently at the screen, maybe unconvinced.

"This could be a…"

He's interrupted by a burst of yelling over his com. He gets away from the prisoners to listen to whoever is calling and Kelly cannot make out words, but she can catch the urgency of the tone.

"That Shepard bitch is there, on the Presidium," the Centurion growls angrily at his men as he returns. "We're needed there at once."

"What about them?" A trooper asks, gesturing toward the assembled civilians.

The Centurion shrugs.

"We don't have time for that. Leave them here and hurry to the presidium."

With that, they leave, hurrying in different directions. The datapad the trooper came back with a moment before is thrown behind and hit the floor with a soft thud.

When they're all long gone, Kelly falls to her knees slowly and feels the most burning longing for Shepard she has ever felt.

* * *

 **4: Deadly confidence**

Sitting in her bunk in the Docks, sorting documents about her patients, Kelly tries hard to focus on the task at hand, but her mind keeps wandering far away. Shepard called earlier to tell her she is back on the Citadel, and she is due any minute. Once more, Kelly tries to dry her sweating palms on her pants and to ease her erratic breathing. She knows she ought to have had this conversation with Shepard last time she came to see her. Or even the time before. But she could not bring herself to tell her the actual extent of her job during the Collectors mission. The mere idea that Shepard might reject her makes her so sick that she refuses to even consider the possibility. She was just doing her job after all; Shepard will understand that, right? Shepard is all that keeps her going in the midst of this chaos. Shepard cannot reject her. She can't.

"Hey you,"

The Commander's voice is soft and obviously pleased but Kelly jumps out of her skin, her heart thumping wildly in her chest. She jumps to her feet, and Shepard pulls her into a welcome hug. They share news about the Normandy and the Commander herself and then an unusually uncomfortable silence descends upon them. Never before, Kelly felt uneasy around Shepard despite all the myths and stories she heard about her.

She suddenly blurts her so-called betrayal story, how she spied on her for The Illusive man when she was her yeoman, how she thought she was doing her job, she was helping.

Shepard's hand falls from where it was resting on her waist and Kelly feels suddenly as if naked without the contact. She searches for Shepard's eyes, looking for forgiveness but Shepard's features are fixed into a hard mask and her eyes are cold as ice.

"You did what?" she spits.

There's venom in her tone. Anger. Disappointment. Kelly's heart shatters in million pieces. She takes a step back and tries to breathe. Tears are welling into her eyes. What a fool she was to think that Shepard would not care, that it would not matter. An anguished sob threatens to escape her. She turns and runs before she breaks down in front of Shepard. She remembers that cyanide pill she kept after leaving Cerberus. Standard procedure was to poison herself if she was ever captured and compromised. She kept it and didn't know why at the time. Maybe she always knew it would come to this.

She has hardly made it to the docks main access gate when a strong hand seizes her wrist and stops her in place. She spins on her heels and sees Shepard looking at her, concern written all over her beautiful features. She gathers Kelly in her arms, holding her against her chest, her hand caressing her hair softly.

"I'm sorry," she says and Kelly wonders what she could possibly be sorry about. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. It doesn't matter what you did. It's not like I never suspected it or anything. It's already forgotten, I promise."

Kelly wants to ask if she's forgiven, but she doesn't. She doesn't need to. She nestles herself a little more against Shepard's strong body, humming her scent, impregnating herself of her presence, of her touch. Tension gradually leaves her body and she feels better than she has in months.

When people around them start to stare at them curiously, Shepard finally takes a step back before slipping her arm around her waist and starts walking toward the elevator.

"I'm so hungry I could eat a krogan," she says in a light tone. "Would you mind joining me for lunch? There is this famous sushi bar on the presidium. I hear I can have a table whenever I want."

Kelly doesn't trust her voice to answer. She nods, the widest grin plastered on her face. She feels so happy. She wasn't sure she could feel so good in such terrible times. As she leans again against Shepard, she idly thinks that now, she can die happy.

* * *

 **5: The reapers**

The banging on the door takes them all by surprise despite all the screaming they have heard in the past hour. Kelly tries to remain calm but she can't help but jump. Someone behind her cannot stifle a cry. Kelly turns slightly her head to see who this is and catches a glimpse of a teenage blonde human girl. Beside her, a tall Turian from C-sec tries to comfort her with a hand on her shoulder and empty words. Kelly knows the kid. She has talked to her on various occasions in the past few weeks, trying slowly to prepare her for the very possibility that her parents might never make it to the Citadel. Maybe she should not have bothered and left the kid to her vain hopes. Not that it will matter anymore in a very short time anyway.

The Citadel is under attack. All the alarms of the station have been blaring for the past couple of hours. The reapers hit so fast that no one saw them coming. Some lucky refugees stranded on the docks managed to make it to ships stationed there and to escape. Kelly can only imagine the carnage on the presidium, so far from escape possibilities. Against her better judgment, Kelly has refused to run for the first ship and to leave behind some of the people she had known and cared for for months. Now, escape is not a possibility anymore and she's trapped in a big room leading to the docks with some fifty other people. They all managed to escape the first waves of husks swarming the docks, helped by the C-SEC personnel on duty there. Already, their ranks have dramatically been reduced to a handful of humans and turians and Kelly has seen enough to know that the look of confidence they try to display can't be trusted.

Their group has hastily retreated to the first room they've found to escape the reapers, but Kelly knows the door protecting them won't hold forever.

When another loud bang echoes in the room, Kelly grips the pistol in her hand more tightly. She looks down at the predator a C-SEC officer gave her some time before. Her basic training with Cerberus seems like a lifetime ago. She's not sure she will be able to take a single shot when the time comes.

In front of her, a brunette has left her own pistol on the floor, but close to her hand. She's younger than her, in her early twenties, beautiful despite the terror written on her face. There's something vaguely familiar about her, though Kelly is sure she does not know her. Maybe she saw her on the docks before. Maybe she resembles someone Kelly knows. It's hard to tell. She's typing furiously on her omnitool, trying to send as many messages as she can as long as the network is still working. Kelly did the same thing some time ago. Except she sent just one. Her family is long gone. Shepard is all she has left. She tries not to dwell about it, or the longing feeling will come back at the pit of her stomach. The brunette's typing finally stops and she looks up. Their eyes meet and Kelly smiles.

"Family?" she asks gently, gesturing to the now switched off omnitool.

The young woman nods.

"My mother and my sisters." She answers with a smile of her own. "Three of them." Her face turns darker. "I hope they made it out in time."

Kelly nods in turn. "I hope too."

The girl takes back the predator at her feet and grips it with confidence.

"You know how to shoot?" Kelly asks.

She nods.

"My older sister's an officer in the Alliance. She taught me."

There's a hint of pride in her voice, and Kelly can't help a smile.

"I used to know too," she answers. "Hope I will remember. My name is Kelly by the way."

She extends her hand toward the stranger.

"I'm Sarah," the brunette answers with a grin, and for a second, she looks younger and even more beautiful than before.

She takes her hand and shakes it, firmly and delicate at the same time.

There's another loud bang on the door, and Kelly squeezes the hand in hers just a little more. Not out of fear, but because she realizes that this might very well be the last contact she will ever share with someone.

She forces herself to broaden her smile and, when she finally let go of Sarah's hand, she hears the door crashing open and shrieks of terror fill the air around her at the same time as rifles and heavy pistols come to life. She lines her own shots and is pretty pleased with herself when she catches a husk in her line of fire. She thinks about Shepard, and the longing is back, burning her. She is going to die here, with these people, with Sarah, with that Turian from C-Sec and his young human protege. She doesn't want to. There is no such thing as "she can die happy". She has so many things left to do. She is a survivor. She has already escaped death so many times. Shepard has saved her so many times. Too many times?

But "not this time" is her last thought when a husk throws her predator away while another one sucks his teeth in her throat.

Not this time.


End file.
